hope for the (revolutionary) lawyer

From Changing Lanes:

Gavin: So why do you want to be a lawyer?

Associate: I believe in the law. I believe in honor and justice. I believe that people are by nature good…"

Gavin: I wanna hear what you say about the law after you work here for five or three years, a month, a week, a day, an hour…”

Until now, I wouldn't deny that I still have these lingering questions on why I want to be a lawyer if I already have this distorted impression on this profession; like I'm on this pedestal or on the edge of deciding to commit or not. And for what this is all worth.

Often times, we question people for their ideals, especially their quintessential views about things. We find it superficial and hard to understand, for instance, a young individual who says that he or she wanted to be a lawyer to be able to help poor people, or defend those suffering from injustice. These ideologies, though admirable, are often ridiculed because we think that it is unattainable and surreal, because we associate it with the reality that things do not really work that way.

To be something I am not is what I'm scared of. To be something that you're scared of, something you promised to be not. Sounds brutal to me.

What if, if I get out there equipped with my ideals and aspirations to do the good and then it turns out that everything about the law profession that I learned in school is a complete lie? 

What if one day I am made to bribe another person to win a case? What if I become a defense lawyer of a bad person? By fact and experience, lawyering is filled with the most colorful lies and deception mastered by the art of articulation and persuasion by technicality.

The very perception of the legal profession is wherein lawyers are in the struggle of negotiating the contradictions of upholding their morals and securing their self-preservation, where principles are put to the test when they clash with the world of reality and where corruption and iniquities push to the edge. Decisions would greatly define what kind of person you are, and if you're willing to live by and with it.

True enough, the law profession is known for its reputation of decadence and depravity that [seems] inevitable to the mere nature of the profession. People have this duality of perception about lawyers: it's either they go out there and be heroes save the poor and the prejudiced from anguish or the more common unpleasant view—lawyers who lie, distort things and make out a living from cheating other people.

We have been faced with the fact that lawyers make big money and more often than not, depicted as heartless individuals with more regard for the law than the human being. To be a lawyer, you have to be strict with the rules and comportment because of dura lex, sed lex. However, we have to remember that the law stands for morality in its most basic sense, and morality comes from compassion and protection of the people under forlorn conditions. If the law is upheld to the extremes of its rigidity, in the same way of what it is trying to avoid, will cause injustice, tyranny and intolerance. The law is made by the people to bring lives in order and if the law is used to discriminate against them, it is not living up to its purpose to protect the people.

The law is harsh but what makes it 'more harsh' are the lawyers choosing to defend the interests of the partisan by bending the law in favor of them. It is always noble to remember that the pecuniary side is only incidental to the legal profession and it should not distort our sense of morality just to achieve material things for a certain group of people. That's probably why the world has nothing good to say about lawyers, in literature, philosophical and all other scripts, the latter are always perceived as one of the most evil creatures in the planet.

But can we blame them? This impression has been founded on many cases where lawyers has worked their way to glory by cheating and stepping on the rights of other people, and even get paid amply for it.

The law is a powerful tool to create order and also destroy it. Lawyers know this, because they are learned in finding thousands of alternatives to solving a problem or getting out of it, regardless if legal or not. An ordinary person would not know. Lawyers can turn black to white and white to black or even gray and colorful if they intend to, to the prejudice of another person.

I am afraid for myself if I become a lawyer, I would just turn all the other things around. I wouldn't know. I also wouldn't promise that I will always be good, because no one can achieve that. We only try and strive to be good and we will always strive for it.

We are in the continuous struggle of doing what is right, because it is the ONLY thing we can do, to be better. At the end of the day, what we do as a person and as a human, whether we are lawyers or not, should always be moral and honorable, not merely a course of intellect. It's one thing worth battling for. We labor to be "good" as a person and treat other people the same. There are lawyers because they should make things right and dispense justice, give people what they deserve and not the other way around. The legal profession is fighting for what's right and advance the welfare of not only for the life of one people, or for the subsistence of interests of a certain group of people. It has to anchor on the welfare of the people as a whole, most especially to those people who are unfortunate and those who have less in life.

The legal profession, to my opinion, has a very challenging road, to taking its supposed integrity back. For this country, I still have yet to know. With the complexities of human transaction, depravity circumventing with the dominance of the upper and middle class, injustice would still remain and that's where lawyers take ground. The legal profession should define lawyers, not the lawyers defining the profession itself. Right now, it's the latter. Ironically, many lawyers have no regard for human rights when in fact; it is what the law is trying to aim for. So it brings us to the question: To whom lawyers are working for? Is it for the spirit of justice? Or for the spirit of the client? Or just the spirit of their selfish ambition?

The legal profession seems to be in need of salvation—in need of students with a noble aspiration of serving the injusticed and not only to make money out of the profession; in need of educators who encourage young people that they can make a change and they are valuable to uphold the integrity of law and for what purpose it serves; in need of more emphasis on sense of morality, honesty and rectitude; in need of a fostering environment where people are taught the principles of right and wrong and how to balance them.

The law is all too powerful just like the ambition to do good. And they are both just hard to achieve.

The hope is, to remember that we all started pure, and that we promised to defend humanity, otherwise we are just another useless and wasted intellect, a rubbish this dreadful society doesn't anymore need.

First of December

Having an all time epic day during Fridays and Saturdays is unfortunately already a practice. This means going to school and waiting all day and night for professors who rarely come.

First of December marked the most "tensed" class I've ever had for the year. Even I who comes unfazed and remained composed all the time, felt like my entire back was against the wall.

This course I rather not name, is a bleeding five-unit subject and the professor treats us just the same. He has a very loud baritone voice, every syllable of his every word enunciated so precisely I felt like he was a descendant of Adolf Hitler. His eyebrows criss-cross every time you say something wrong, which apparently happens every time you say a word. Nobody is ever right. We are all damned in his presence.

He's undeniably rich the way he looks. The first time he came to class, he was swathed in a premiere gray suit with a yellow tie, and then earlier, he was wearing a striped Lacoste polo shirt which costs around 6,000 pesos with an overpriced watch. He's obviously a corporate lawyer with a little trial practice on the sidetracks. I know because I (stalked) did a background check on him before--his profile and the kind of cases he handles. All these just made him more intimidating. Just like the lady judge who taught us last semester, she comes every time with either Prada, Burberry, Michael Kors or LV which she considers more expensive than all her students combined.

He asks a question, and he backfires at you with your own answer, "you ain't right honey" or "uh-oh you ain't know what you talking about lady". I don't know how to deal with him, you can never get a hold of his style if he doesn't show up for class. The irony is, he doesn't like students who boycott his classes but he always does that to us. Talk about practice what you preach, or maybe he just prefers it this way, given the authority he has. There is definitely something wrong with that.

Not that I am always happy with having classes, but things get to the point that you realize you might just be wasting your time instead of doing some other things productive, if not for the tardy professors you bear with everyday. It's not correct and fair to say that this is just a "right of passage" and we have to experience this "because they also experienced this when they were students". We are not in a fraternity, mister attorney. You need to do your job, because we are paying our pricey future here.

Now, it's been two months and I haven't learned anything except memorizing all articles you recite verbatim and poorly in class, if that is even called learning. They are all Greek to me. I don't even know if I'll learn a thing because self-study is hard without application. Ugh, I am mad! This is not the way it's supposed to be because I wanna learn, and as far as I know or what I have experienced, this is not how students are supposed to learn.

Is it just me who see things like these? Or maybe I was just used to a state university-like education like the one I had in my college years. Professors don't make you feel like your just a student. They treat you like another of their kind from whom they would learn something--where respect for intellect and what you have to say, is mutual and valued; where they treat you like a receptacle of knowledge with a lot of potential that rests on their hands; where teachers teach with passion because they consider it their mission and advocacy to give back and make us good leaders of the society; where professors don't think of themselves as Gods and despite their meager pay, they impart on you knowledge that no money can ever buy. Where teaching is so much more than just coming to class, sitting like Zeus, asking questions and convicting students like a cold-blooded tyrant. It's much much more than that.

At least try to feel something! You are a lawyer, but you are a human first. And I am certain that once in your life, you were also seated on the same spot we do, and thinking about how noble your intentions are in being a lawyer.

I am saddened. I want a revolutionary and liberal way of education and teaching, and it's definitely not what I'm getting right now. I'm expecting something more, otherwise I might just find my own learning in some other ways outside this traditional academe.

Maybe it's just me. But this system is kinda already making me sick.

#NO HOLDS BARRED.

11/17

For a week, I've been going on like a vicious working machine. My sleeping hours come erratically, more often than not, and sleeping in the morning has been a habit. I work as much as I study. These two have been being balanced on the ends of the fulcrum and it is not getting any easier.

Just a while ago, I came late to class of a professor who always comes late to class. So I couldn't really care so much, except that short seconds of embarrassment. I was late for not for the lamest reason--because I was busy buying another of John Grisham's well-written books that suited my mood for a couple of months now. Moreover, traffic was hell during Saturdays and I'm not really sure why. Good thing, she was discussing things I already know of, but my classmates from the other class, disappointingly and annoyingly not, and I'm not sure why again. Without a bit of remorse, I called them stupid. I mean honestly, they have just studied those last semester and questions were very basic. Minus  the arrogance, those were very elementary. 

Sometimes, I just notice that law students, and that includes me occasionally, think too much. We think that there is always a deeper, more eloquent answer to the the very basic question posed, which only requires a very basic answer. Instead, they go rambling on and on full of platitudes on how the law works like magic, but do not really answer the question. 

Law is very practical and realistic. Its foundations and principles may rest on the best of the ideals of justice, the good and what is moral, but bottomline, it's just an argument of facts and reason which a practical and reasonable mind can go about. You don't need to impress people with banality and truisms in your recitation. It doesn't make you look smart. The professors have heard of that since ancient times and they have had enough of it.

A great professor is one who tells us the truth--truth that real lawyering is remotely far from what we learn in the academe. We are bombarded with theories and hundreds of questions and a dying posture to please the won't-ever-be-pleased attorney professors we meet everyday. But I know it's just roughly 10 percent of what we need to know. I am very aware of the fact that when someone is a fresh graduate of law, you should expect to do all the grunt work of an associate for a firm, government or corporations. You expect that you know everything and that you can get away with things easily but things do not work out that way. Try volunteering for the government, working for a huge corporation or at least reading legal thrillers or watching Suits.

I've worked before for a big conglomerate corporation before, and oh dear, politics is part of their lifestyle. They breathe bureaucracy. It is where policies are put on the plates of their table as if they are the means for their survival. It's not always for the common good and more inclined on personal gain. This is not far removed from the true setup of the legal profession, I guess.

So, why am I here?

Honestly, I really don't know, why despite my apprehensions and pessimism about this career I willingly took and surprisingly enjoyable for me, I'd still give it a shot for my life. I know many people who wants to be in law school and I ask them if it is what they really want that they'd be willing to sacrifice their life, their time and their family. I ask myself too.

Prep up

It's been a boring and unproductive start of second semester in law school. I am glad and unashamed to pronounce that the first week already got me defeatedly broke from paying school dues and mega expensive loquacious law books. Most of the professors are still missing, others had already declared that hostilities will begin and start packing our bags to our great journey to hell. The thing about law school, is that they make you consume this idea that you're never gonna last, and that they keep reminding you that next day you will fail, most likely. I don't know exactly why they use this as tool for encouragement or at the very least, to scare the shit out of us. 

I am unfazed, bring it on Attorney.

______________

Part of my preparation is to do a background and profile check on our lineup with this sleazy idea that it'd help us prepare for the worst.

One sometimes go to class drunk and swear shits on students and chew on them for about 20-30 minutes, does not often go to class and has this habit of walking to class at the last five minutes, releasing us from the agony of two hours and fifty-five minutes of waiting. This gotta be exciting

Next, a  middle aged lawyer who is currently phenomenal on his rendered judgment on banning the importation of dolphins to the Philippines from a known big entertainment corporation in Singapore. He will teach my most favorite subject so far, Criminal Law. He seemed nice and decent, not full of endless ramblings about how difficult law school is. He just plainly introduced himself with his name (which I quite found amusing) and where he does trial. But he declared 'hostilities', with a smile.

Third is a big shot commissioner who works for the government who's got a big grin on his face for the most part of our class. Bet he's gonna do that the whole semester. I was told to be cautious, because he's actually deadly. An attorney this big doesn't normally make students' life easy, and to begin to prove that, we're required to buy his seemingly overpriced book that we can get for about a third of the original price if it was priced right, to my opinion.

Fourth, a professor who hit the borderline of my patience for tardy professionals. I have nothing to express except for my disappointment and dwindled respect. She was always absent before and made us felt like we wasted practically most of our time on the chairs waiting for her. Ironically, I had my first recitation in her class yesterday answering the question, "Why is the subject the most important subject in law school?". 

Lastly, this young attorney who topped the bar exam who is equally applauded and crushed, according to all the sources I've talked to. Students begin fearing him and end up crushing on him, with giggles. I have yet to see, but surely I'm not gonna be head over heels in love with tons of cases that he's gonna be stacking on my study table.

So far, so good. I have been finishing Grisham during my extra time, then begin to read more than a total of at least 200 pages to prep up for this week. Sometimes, I am not content with what I learn inside law school. I have always been aggressive with outside experience and information about how the real lawyering and its grunt work happens. This road to fame is so slow! I'm reeling for the real thing and grunt work for me is fine as long as I get on-hand training with real lawyers, either at a firm or government, simultaneously with law school. I cannot simply graduate from law school without knowing anything. And that's my flexible plan, hope it works.

Right now, I'd have to thank Grisham for the overview of this rather cutthroat profession I'm slowly and frustratingly getting into.

First.

Would you believe that I was (am) inspired by the "Awkward" series, to have this same insane idea of an having an online diary posting about my ever  endless railing about people and their issues in life. Well my issues, a large chunk.

It's been six months and I still find myself fortunately loitering around law school and things are still less than appealing as usual. It's getting better though, or so I believe. The first months were really tough, pretty much life changing, equally in positive and negative helluva ways. I was able to claw my way out first semester through devouring tons of books and cases, hunkering in my room to study at least 6-10 hours a day, enduring tardy and absentee professors, essentially  watch myself waste my life away, because you wanna learn about the LAW--who is a jealous demanding bitch.

To my lawyer self's defense, learning the legal profession is self-liberating. I've always chosen not to give a fuss about my no less than prestigious profession, which is an irony because (and I've never told anyone about this) one of the big reasons why I "chose" to be a lawyer is because I have too much pride I don't want to get ordered around and just be another lifetime employee who resorts to unscrupulous ways and means to huddle for that ladder all the way to the top of their career. But I was told, lawyering is eating more shit than all known professions in the world. Nevertheless, I'm optimistic, so far. I've always wanted to be on top, and I thought this is the best way to get through my ego. I will never apologize for being ambitious.

Anyway, this blog should contain how I survived law school each day facing the usual hostilities only the law (and my life and lack thereof) has to offer. There would be occasional slips about how I hated my bad recitation or my professor from hell, or my panicky classmates who can't get things figured out or my crush who doesn't seem to know I exist or just simply my day with less than three hours of sleep. At the end of the day, what remains is my silently growing love for the law and my dark ambition to be a courtroom badass.